Dating not attracted to
How significant should physical attraction be in the pursuit of marriage?Or, what role, if any, should physical appearance play in Christian dating? I would say, “No.” Or at least, “Not yet.” Given the common assumptions and practices in our society today, including the church, I do not believe a man (or woman) should begin a dating relationship with someone to whom they are not physically attracted.For instance, if she really is a godly woman, why might you be more attracted to the unbelieving girl in your algebra class?Or (for the women), if he really is a godly man, why might you be more attracted to the ungodly guy at work?The heartthrob guy beats his girlfriend, or the magazine-cover woman sleeps with three more guys.It’s suddenly harder to even look at pictures of them anymore. You see the same pictures differently now — same hair, same eyes, same figure — all suddenly unappealing, unattractive. God has wired us to appreciate beauty in his design — to find men (for women) or women (for men) physically appealing — and that is a real and important element in our pursuit of marriage, and eventually in our flourishing within the covenant.It’s because their appearance, in the eyes of their beloved, is increasingly filled with a deepening appreciation for the beauty in the other. Their love not only looks beyond the surface, but sees the surface with new eyes.hot right now can lose all of his or her appeal overnight, literally in one headline.
They each look exactly the same as before, and yet they don’t.God gave us physical senses and desires for our good.But that’s only one piece of what makes people attractive, and it is not the main piece — nowhere close.Mutual faith in Jesus Christ should be the most arrestingly attractive thing about any potential spouse.This may be the most important thing to learn about physical (or sexual) attraction: that at its richest and fullest, it is not only or even mainly physical (eyes, hair, and figure).
I would encourage you to befriend her and get to know her in safe, unambiguous, non-flirtatious ways (probably in groups), until you know whether there is real beauty behind her face and everything else anyone can see.